The golden age has secrets
I know my grandmother was an entertainer during World War II. When she wasn’t regaling the soldiers with dance and other methods, she worked in a factory that amassed bombs. She was pretty hard-core. Women back then were viewed contrarily than women today; they had specific roles to play and not often reputable ones. But what I learned from my grandmother is something I couldn’t learn from anybody else. There are particular secrets to that era that wield their own secrets. Like, how to please your partner, all while maintaining strength and dignity as a woman.
My grandmother had the confidence of a lioness. Regardless of her role in society or the war, she oozed composure. She wouldn’t succumb to the piggish roles of men in the 1930s, she didn’t please her husband because she was required to, and she damn sure didn’t cave beneath the motives of who she was entertaining. She approached every situation, sexual or not, with the poise of Aphrodite herself. She wasn’t an object to men, she was the essence of what women should have always been.
Being confident doesn’t come easy. The world beats our expectations, values, and self-worth out of us before reaching high school, especially for women. We grow up with the idea I’ve got beauty is according to society. Women were serving men as a role and not an option. And life will take us as far as we wish to go as long as we are beautiful. This is what we are taught. And this is what hinders our confidence.
So, how does confidence matter when it comes to sex? It matters immensely. If you’re not secure in your well-being, beauty, and self-worth, how can you please your partner? Let alone allow yourself to be pleased to the fullest extent? You can’t. We need to allow ourselves as women to become confident in ourselves without the outside influence and expectations of society. Once you’re able to feel confident, you won’t hold back sexually. You won’t be ashamed of yourself, embarrassed, or nervous. Your confidence will guide you through whatever sexual encounter you have with complete control. Thus, more pleasing for you and your partner.
My grandmother knew what she was worth. Even if she was a mother and wife, she knew that she was as precious as all the gold in the world. Sexually, she didn’t lay her body down like a toy back in the 1930s. She didn’t dress up pretty and get paraded around just for the sake of being carry-on luggage to some asshole. If she was getting down and dirty, it was because she wanted to and knew the value of her being and body.
“Don’t let any man expect a damn thing from you, Meghan. Most men in my day would take what they can get – what a waste of a man. Show them you have value, and you’ll attract A man that’s worth lying with.” – Grandma –
I may have missed a few words in that quote, but I was 13 when she told me. That was 20 years ago. But that is beside the point. Our self-worth as women is just as important as any other human being on this planet. Nothing should justify otherwise. And if it does, ask yourself one logical question, what reason would any woman not be as important as any man?
So how does understanding your value improve sex? It’s quite simple. Once you realize your importance, you can give yourself to another entirely, or lack thereof, depending on the situation. Much like confidence, your self-value determines how much you are inclined to surrender during sex, not just for your partner but yourself as well – saying no if you’re not comfortable, or pushing the limits because you are satisfied. If you don’t have any value according to your own conscience, you will always allow or hide from sexual explorations.
My grandma was an entertainer. So she most definitely appreciated herself, along with her crowd. She immersed herself with the different likes and dislikes of the soldiers, all while holding her self-worth and dignity intact.
That takes a lot from a woman, especially from that period. Women back then were entertainers for the sole purpose of pleasing men, but not my grandma. She entertained for herself. Sure, she was entertaining the men, but not because she had to; she chose to. She told me stories of how her friends entertained and did things to gain the love of men, money, or whatever else came with that territory. My grandmother did it because she enjoyed it. She used her feminine power to express herself and made sure she was appreciated.
“All the ladies were getting grabbed; they would giggle and show obvious signs of disdain. One man tried to grab me, and I kicked him. That Man took my entertainment as a sign of weakness.” — Grandma —
We have to learn to appreciate ourselves enough to understand limits. Not only limits we set for ourselves, but limits we set for sexual encounters.
4. Sex appeal
When you’re comfortable with who you are and you value yourself as a woman, There is no limit to the way you become sexually appealing not only to others but to yourself. And with confidence, value, and self-appreciation, that sexual appeal comes without boundaries. Being comfortable in your skin means that you’re comfortable sharing that skin.
My grandmother told me that it was uncommon for women to express themselves sexually. They would be considered scandalous and skanky. However, she didn’t listen to the norms of society in her day and age. She merely adapted to her being and excepted and loved who she was as a human, as a woman.
Most women, unfortunately, are plagued with the so-called normal renditions of what society places upon them. They see themselves as objects, sometimes even subconsciously diluting themselves to suit others. Even I, as a woman, struggle with insecurities. I often wonder if I am beautiful, capable, and worth more than my body.
We have to learn to accept ourselves for who we are. Understand that we are women, and that doesn’t make us less than a man. We shouldn’t feel conflicted or weary of our outer appearance to be excepted. We have to learn to love ourselves and value ourselves.
Once we realize how truly important and beautiful we are, only then can we truly appreciate ourselves and our partners.